Occupation: Housewife

Former Occupations: Dog Groomer, Waitress, Sales, Packager

    I was the fifth of nine children born to my parents.  I went to church all of my life: Sunday School, Morning Service, Evening Service, and Prayer Meeting on Wednesday nights.  I always thought that I was pretty good because I did not swear, drink, smoke, go to movies, dance, etc.  I was taught that I was a sinner, and that Jesus died for my sins so that I did not have to go to hell.

My oldest sister and my brother asked me if I wanted to be saved when I was six years old.  I wanted to go to heaven -- not to hell, and so I repeated a prayer after them to be saved.   I thought that I was a Christian, and that if I died I would go to heaven.

I know that it was possible for me to be saved that day, but I do not think that I was.  Romans 10:10 says, "For WITH THE HEART man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."  I did not believe that I deserved hell, and I could not understand why I would deserve hell when I did not ask to be created.  I used to think, "What if I go to church all my life, and then die, only to find out that God does not really exist?"  Psalm 14:1 says, "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God."

I was a very unhappy child.  I did not think that I was loved, and I thought that life was unfair.  I wished that we had more money, so I could have the things that I wanted.  By the time that I reached my teenage years, I was out to be liked and to be popular.  My parents put restrictions on me, but I rebelled.  When I did not follow the rules, I lied to get away with it.   The more I did to lose the trust of my parents, the more they did not trust me, and the more I rebelled.  Exodus 20:12 says, "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."  I Samuel 15:23 says, "For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry."  I was tired of not getting along with my parents, and of being grounded.  I could not wait to get out of the house.

I met my husband when I was sixteen years old.   He was easy-going, and my parents liked the effect that he had upon me.  We were married three weeks after I turned eighteen.  I thought that having children would help me to feel loved, and when I was twenty, the Lord gave us a daughter.  Now that we had a child, I knew that I had a responsibility to be a good Christian.  I got more involved at church, and even started mentioning the "Lord" in conversations, although it seemed uncomfortable saying it.  I even started teaching a Sunday School class.

Three years later, the Lord gave us a son.   I then began having physical problems that caused me to resent the responsibilities that I had as a mother.  As I began to be more unsatisfied, I began taking as many breaks as possible from being a mother.  I watched the wrong things on television during the day, which caused me to become even more unsatisfied.  I took a night out with a girlfriend (no children allowed!), sold Tupperware®, Amway®, Home Interiors®, etc., trying to "enjoy" life.

I began going to a Bible Study to learn how to renew our love, but the "new me" was only me trying to make myself happy, and it only compounded the problem.  I decided that I wanted out of the marriage, and finally went to our Pastor for counseling.  After a couple of sessions, I had my Pastor believing that I wanted to make our marriage work, but that my husband did not want to change.  I was all set to leave, when I attended an appointment with the Pastor and my husband (an appointment that I did not want to keep!).  It was there that the truth came out that it was "I" who wanted the divorce -- not my husband.   The Pastor then dealt with me according to the Scripture, and out of embarrassment, I agreed to stay with my husband.

The next day, I was supposed to meet with the Pastor again, but he did not come.  As I sat there alone in the church auditorium, I was alone with God, and suddenly, very weary.  The realization came to me that I was created to please God -- not me, and that I deserved to go to hell.  Revelation 4:11 says, "Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created."  I saw that life is short, and that serving God was my reason for being here.  I went up to the altar, knelt down, and poured out my heart to God, confessing my sins.  I then added, "And if I am not saved, please save me!"

All of a sudden, for the first time in my life, I knew what it was to be forgiven.  John 8:36 says, "If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed."  I immediately saw my husband in a different light.  I am so thankful that the Lord forgave my sin debt and saved my soul!  Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

(Note: I do not believe that women should go to their Pastor for counseling.  How many of you women would like a woman in a vulnerable state of mind going and talking to your husband?  Titus 2:3-5 says, "THE AGED WOMEN likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; THAT THEY MAY TEACH THE YOUNG WOMEN to be sober, TO LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, KEEPERS AT HOME, GOOD, OBEDIENT TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS, that the word of God be not blasphemed.")